I prayed for a family and God gave.
I prayed for my family to serve God and for my family to be united...and God gave.
I prayed for a soulmate. Someone who will love me unconditionally. God did a very good job in that area.
I prayed for our bond to be so strong that nothing can break it. And God made it happen.
I prayed for a son who will bring joy to all around and to bring honor to his parents. My little boy at 29 days old, is a joy to those around him and is bringing honor to his parents. This can only happen with God's help.
On top of that He also gave me what i never prayed for. Strong support of friends and relatives. He gave me much to be thankful for.
If God can provide so many things for me, He can provide me with a miracle. Yes He can.
I love you all very much. 3 days more of chemo. Pray for me to be strong, to be constantly be at peace. Send His angels to watch over my family. I believe everything will be ok. Its just the waiting part thats long. But before i know it...it will soon be over. Cos the light at the end of the tunnel is near.
30 October 2010
29 October 2010
Dear boys,
I've just completed the 3rd bolus dose of chemo and waiting for 4 more continuous doses of chemo. I am claiming a miracle from God. Deep in my soul, i know something good is coming. Do not lose faith and hope.
Very soon, i will be back home to be the homemaker and nurturer you have been lacking at home.
Love mummy
I've just completed the 3rd bolus dose of chemo and waiting for 4 more continuous doses of chemo. I am claiming a miracle from God. Deep in my soul, i know something good is coming. Do not lose faith and hope.
Very soon, i will be back home to be the homemaker and nurturer you have been lacking at home.
Love mummy
28 October 2010
Dear baby and my dear,
Going into chemo for the second day, i am tolerating it better than expected. Trying to keep to some momentum so that time could pass faster. 5 more days of treatment.
Yesterday night i heard God telling me that He will perform a miracle in my life and that i will be healed. God keeps His promises and will be faithful to His word.
I ask for peace, calmness and for down moments to be away from me. This is also a promise God has given me.
After 7 days of Chemo treatment, i am expecting good news. And expect me to return home very soon.
Going into chemo for the second day, i am tolerating it better than expected. Trying to keep to some momentum so that time could pass faster. 5 more days of treatment.
Yesterday night i heard God telling me that He will perform a miracle in my life and that i will be healed. God keeps His promises and will be faithful to His word.
I ask for peace, calmness and for down moments to be away from me. This is also a promise God has given me.
After 7 days of Chemo treatment, i am expecting good news. And expect me to return home very soon.
24 October 2010
Dear Ralphlen and Kahmun, one who is part of my flesh and the other who is my soulmate.
As i begin the day tomorrow fighting this illness. You are in my thoughts constantly.
I proclaim 'Jehovah Jireh' that God is my provider.
He is the provider for the best husband i can ever have in the world.
He is the provider for the cutest baby boy that i've ever imagined.
He is the provider for many people who have showered me with love overflowing.
And He will definately be my provider of healing and for a speedy recovery.
I will be strong. Both of you must be strong too.
A month is just a short time. Very very soon, i will be back home.
As i begin the day tomorrow fighting this illness. You are in my thoughts constantly.
I proclaim 'Jehovah Jireh' that God is my provider.
He is the provider for the best husband i can ever have in the world.
He is the provider for the cutest baby boy that i've ever imagined.
He is the provider for many people who have showered me with love overflowing.
And He will definately be my provider of healing and for a speedy recovery.
I will be strong. Both of you must be strong too.
A month is just a short time. Very very soon, i will be back home.
15 October 2010
Lest i forget
Since 1 Oct 2010, i was getting impatient with all the waiting. You will be due 6 Oct. And i could not sit around at home waiting anymore.
I had contacted Dr Khoo to arrange for an earlier induction. However, he never got back to me on the arrangements for 2 Oct 2010 2am. I was getting frustrated. Somehow i managed to get the Delivery Suite nurses to make an arrangement for 6am.
Like the life in my womb that knows his mother's heart, at 207am, i lay in bed. Feeling a sharp pain at my groins. I counted 5 min, 3 min, 3 min, 5 min. Soon after i realised that this may be the contraction pain that all my friends were talking about.
I woke up your papa. We took a cab to the hospital and there the cervix was dilated 2cm and i can only be on epidural when it has dilated 4cm. In the mean time, i can only use the gas. Which makes me be in a trance like state but does not numb the pain. Sometimes, the pain is so unbearable, i could not even raise the gas mask to my mouth.
When the nurse asked for the pain score 1 to 10. I said that the pain is 11.
Later at 4am, they finally called for the anaesthetist to come induce the epidural. I gotta stay very still while he pokes at my spine. And bearing the contractions as they come. I whiffed a whole lot of gas before he began his poking. After a successful procedure, the rest was easy without the pain.
At about 8am, my cervix was dilated 7cm and i was told by my friend. Once it reaches 7cm, it will be very soon i will go into labour.
Dr Khoo came in and says that i gotta let the epidural wear out and feel the contractions before i can push. I was so afraid of feeling the contraction pain that i overused the epidural. My legs were immobile.
About 1030am, i started to have movement in both legs and was afraid to wait longer for the contraction pain to return. So i told the nurse i am starting to feel the contraction pain and want to start pushing.
I began pushing till 1209pm. Where you came into this world. Thankfully, by the time Dr Khoo even finished with the suturing, the epidural did not wear out. And was able to numb my pain.
It was an easy labour i would say. Somehow when i see you lying on the bed. The moment was surreal. I am someone's mummy.This living being have been growing in my womb for the last 8mths.
This living being is who i am going to bring home in 2 days time. Seems so unreal.
You are a chubby little thing. Sucking your fingers when everyone was busy with their own things.
Fast forward that to you being almost 2 weeks old now.
You are still chubby. You bring joy and fulfillment to your parents and those who has been helping in taking care of you. I have heard of all the tiredness and sleeplessness you will face from my friends. So it did not come as a shock to me. But all is worth it when i know you are safe, growing well and manageable.
I hope you will continue to grow to be a boy who will love both your parents fairly. Do not bully your papa. Be patient with your imperfect parents. Cos we are learning everyday how to be parents, that will bring you up well.
I had contacted Dr Khoo to arrange for an earlier induction. However, he never got back to me on the arrangements for 2 Oct 2010 2am. I was getting frustrated. Somehow i managed to get the Delivery Suite nurses to make an arrangement for 6am.
Like the life in my womb that knows his mother's heart, at 207am, i lay in bed. Feeling a sharp pain at my groins. I counted 5 min, 3 min, 3 min, 5 min. Soon after i realised that this may be the contraction pain that all my friends were talking about.
I woke up your papa. We took a cab to the hospital and there the cervix was dilated 2cm and i can only be on epidural when it has dilated 4cm. In the mean time, i can only use the gas. Which makes me be in a trance like state but does not numb the pain. Sometimes, the pain is so unbearable, i could not even raise the gas mask to my mouth.
When the nurse asked for the pain score 1 to 10. I said that the pain is 11.
Later at 4am, they finally called for the anaesthetist to come induce the epidural. I gotta stay very still while he pokes at my spine. And bearing the contractions as they come. I whiffed a whole lot of gas before he began his poking. After a successful procedure, the rest was easy without the pain.
At about 8am, my cervix was dilated 7cm and i was told by my friend. Once it reaches 7cm, it will be very soon i will go into labour.
Dr Khoo came in and says that i gotta let the epidural wear out and feel the contractions before i can push. I was so afraid of feeling the contraction pain that i overused the epidural. My legs were immobile.
About 1030am, i started to have movement in both legs and was afraid to wait longer for the contraction pain to return. So i told the nurse i am starting to feel the contraction pain and want to start pushing.
I began pushing till 1209pm. Where you came into this world. Thankfully, by the time Dr Khoo even finished with the suturing, the epidural did not wear out. And was able to numb my pain.
It was an easy labour i would say. Somehow when i see you lying on the bed. The moment was surreal. I am someone's mummy.This living being have been growing in my womb for the last 8mths.
This living being is who i am going to bring home in 2 days time. Seems so unreal.
You are a chubby little thing. Sucking your fingers when everyone was busy with their own things.
Fast forward that to you being almost 2 weeks old now.
You are still chubby. You bring joy and fulfillment to your parents and those who has been helping in taking care of you. I have heard of all the tiredness and sleeplessness you will face from my friends. So it did not come as a shock to me. But all is worth it when i know you are safe, growing well and manageable.
I hope you will continue to grow to be a boy who will love both your parents fairly. Do not bully your papa. Be patient with your imperfect parents. Cos we are learning everyday how to be parents, that will bring you up well.
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