Reaching 30

Passing 20, 21, 22, 23....27, 28, 29...and now 30.

I feel old, matured and what i've taken with me are the valuable experiences i gained.

I remember living in Serangoon Ave 4. When we dash out of our beds to wait for the door on our door. Its Hari Raya Puasa. Our neighbour Kat Mas will bring over a bring tray of all my favourite food. The red chicken, the peanut sauce liver...

Moving from my childhood neighbour and to Seng kang.

I used to think $10 was enough to take a taxi to anywhere. From Seng Kang to Serangoon Ave 4 was already $6.

Feeling a big yearning to keep in touch with those who still stays at Serangoon Ave 4.

Conforming to the culture at Seng Kang, where neighbours who do not even say hi to each other along the corridoor.

My parents got a divorce.

Getting my 'O' Levels results. Got selected into Diploma of Nursing.

Should i or should i not?

First day of school. Xiao Fen and Sook Fun (my secondary school classmates) were in my class.

I dated an indian jerk who robbed me of my youth, money and soul.

Starting my first job as a nurse.

I dated a guy 6 years younger than me. Got pregnant, got unpregnant.

Almost got married. He was not man enough.

Got depressed and needed medication to stablised my mood.

Volunteered medical relief at Banda Acheh after the Indonesian Tsunami.

Realised that i despite of my shameful past, i could give some of myself to others.

Decided that i am capable of controlling my moods and will not let it overwhelm me again.

Bought a dog to help me get through the pain.

Openned up myself to my colleagues at Ward 8c. Found friendship that would last a lifetime.

Uma tried to matchmake someone with me. That someone had liked me since polytechnic.

18 Feb 2006, we started our journey together as soulmates.

2007 15th day of Chinese New Year. My dog got lost. And was later found dead when he was knocked down by a speeding car.

Moved out of my house.

Quitted my job at TTSH. Got in and out of jobs. Did not know what i wanted. From the skinny girl i was, i started gaining weight. 42kg, 45kg, 50kg...

Decided that friends who are of bad influence in my life, should be kept at a distance.

3 Mar 2008, joined IMH.

8 Nov 2008, got engaged to my soulmate.

Bought a resale flat.

Had a miscarriage. And realised that career is not everything.

20 Sep 2009, had my grand wedding banquet.

Reaching 30, i am ready to have my own home and to be a mummy.

30 Oct 2009, i see the life that past me by. Like mini video clips in my head and flashes of happy and sad images. No wonder some people say,'You must treasure your youth. Cos before you know it, it will fly pass."

Now i know

After a whirlwind of events...

I know who are fiend or foe.

Those who could be there and made great effort.

Those who could not be there and also made great effort.

Those who did not wish to be there and made holiday plans.

Those who wished to be there but job commitments tied them down.

Those who just did not bother.

It takes great effort to plan a wedding. Now i know.

And i have a great phobia of them.

I feel sorry for all the weddings that i skipped and gave no RSVP.

It takes great effort to plan the table arrangements and takes great thought for every person i intended to invite.

It takes little thought for that very person to leave it empty.

15 mins before the grand walk-in...i found out that i have 4 tables empty.

In order to make up for losses and make the ballroom look more presentable,

we tried to squeeze the guest to all the half filled tables.

At that moment, i felt like going home.

We walked to a corner to pray for the ang baos to be enough to pay off for the dinner. And for us to still find some way to feel happy about the rest of the night.

By the time we reached the yum seng, i was sooo tired that i wanted to cancel the visit to each table.

We had no more energy to think.

Then some relative chose to be angry that we did not personally call him up on stage.

Excuse me! If you knew all the things we went through just to make it to the grand walk-in, you would not choose to throw a tantrum.

The night ended well despite all the mess at the beginning.

We managed to cover just enough for the tables. The total count of empty table is 7.

A miracle i would say. Thank God for everything.

But a big disappointment for the people from the 7 tables who spared no thought.

The disappointment was not the angbaos i did not receive but of each empty seat.

Reminding me of people whom i know now, were not really my friends.