I will be reminded always, the things i have.

And not what i dun have.

It is these things i have, that keeps me whole.

What i have prayed for, i will be glad for what He has answered.

Will keep having faith that He will continue to show favour upon my family.

God will not turn His back away from our prayers.

We need for Him to be merciful to us.

He has made it possible for quick recovery during the 1st round of chemo.

He has made time pass quickly while i am in the hospital and for time to pass slowly while at home.

He protected my son from fever after his immunisation.

Everyday i pray for God to send His angels to watch over my family.

Protect them spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. Let no harm come towards us.

And for those who has been helping us, let them be richly blessed.

As for me, let each cycle to be better than the last.

No infection, very manageable side effects and quick recovery.

And for FULL recovery to take place even before the 5th cycle of chemo.

For all these to be over soon and never having to live in fear again.

For my family to be united back at home and never be separated like that again.

I love my family and friends. I thank God for them.

If i ask You for bread, You won't give me a stone. And now i am asking for Your help. Hear my cry

This battle towards recovery will end in March. My wish is for time to pass quick.

For more friends and relatives to come visit me. So time can pass quickly for me.

For anyone to come up with ideas to spend time quickly. Donate books? Donate VCDs?

And i pray for my husband to have the strength to pull through these months with me.

Dear i know there are times you are tired. Lets get through this once and for all. And never have to face it again after.

And i pray, Ralphlen. Mummy bore you in her tummy for 9mths. You are not allowed to forget me.
Whenever i see you after weeks of treatment, you must know that i am your mummy and this bond between us can never be broken.

Friends and family. Though i fight this illness, i need your help.

The light at the end of the tunnel seems pushed further away from me now.
When will i get close to the end?

3-4 months may seems short when compared to carrying a child for 9 mths.
But i wish for the days to go by quickly.

Where days of waiting is quick and days of rest spending time with my family will be long.

Everyday i pray for some miracle where all these will be over. Where there will be no more treatments,
no more being confined, no more test to be made.

They say relax yourself try not to think about it. How do i relax myself when i am shut within these 4 walls?
I can't go relax myself. How do i not think about it when constantly i am being reminded of why i am here.

I need speedy days here. I need to have the mind to blank out the anxiety i feel.

I had hope for just one cycle of treatment. I was very hopeful. Am i wrong to be hopeful?
Then what should i hope for? If i hope for speedy recovery, i am told i gotta take one day at a time.
If i hope for the cancer cells to be gone, the drs still tell me i need to go for more treatment.

So what do i put my hope on? I am beginning to feel tired of being hopeful. I am tired of all the waiting.
Would God not pardon me from all these? Did i hear You wrong when You say there will be a miracle?
Or am i expecting a wrong kind of miracle?

I watch the nurses, running around the corridor. Occupied with the daily needs of their patients.
They seem so busy, so alive.

At home, everyone tells me that they are busy. Busy with the baby, busy with household chores.

Friends tell me they are at work, or with their families. The world before them. Revolving, changing.

But from inside my room. Room 7. My life seems to pass so slowly. My only glimpse to the world outside is the door, the windows. It goes a little further when they push me out for x-ray, CT scan. Which is rare.

I wish to be occupied with meaningful stuff. I also wish to be at home, being busy with baby and household chores. I wish for my world to be much bigger than the one i am in now.

I am tired of all the waiting. Wait for blood results to go up. Wait for Dr to say i can go home. Wait for good news about being completely well.

How much longer must i wait? Never have i yearned for freedom more than now. Freedom to go to a stall and buy what i want to eat. Freedom to go to the shopping mall. Freedom to go home and move around the whole house.

I pray for my freedom to be regained soon and never be robbed from me like this ever again.

I asked You to give me a sign. A sign that You will answer. And that You have heard my cry.

You have given me the sign i am asking for. I am clinging to that sign as an assurance of Your promise to me.

I am glad You are giving me something to smile about and to be hopeful once again.

For better days and a renewed body. For those who are praying, do not stop yet. The battle is going to end soon, but not yet. But i know that i can smell victory coming.

Someone told me today, if a child keeps pestering his father for something, will his father not finally soften his heart and give the child what he wants? Like as if she read my thoughts, i was encouraged to continue believing and not lose heart.

I am praying day and night for a miracle to happen in my life. I am begging for mercy from this sickness.

Men can say what they want. Whether its impossible or never happened before.

I am crying out for Your complete healing in my life. After this cycle of treatment. No more leukemia cells, no more treatments needed.

Those of you who can pray, pester with me. Believing for a divine intervention, for complete recovery.

I do not believe in what the doctors say. Because the power of men is of a limit.
Even with science and the latest technology, cannot predict the future.
I refuse to believe in the normal.
I will believe for speedy and complete recovery before 19 Nov. Pray with me.
I miss home. I want to go home.

Today the last dose of chemo will complete. Its now time to wait.
To wait for the miracle to happen. Leukemia cells be gone forever and never come back.
I want to be back home with my family before my birthday on 19 Nov

I am praying for fast recovery after today's last dose of chemo. Whereby one cycle of treatment is more than enough to treat me forever. For continual peace, calmness and positivity of mindset. Down moments be away from me. Keep me strong though i am weak. I am believing for Your promise to provide me with a miracle. I want to be back home completely cured before my birthday on 19 Nov