The light at the end of the tunnel seems pushed further away from me now.
When will i get close to the end?

3-4 months may seems short when compared to carrying a child for 9 mths.
But i wish for the days to go by quickly.

Where days of waiting is quick and days of rest spending time with my family will be long.

Everyday i pray for some miracle where all these will be over. Where there will be no more treatments,
no more being confined, no more test to be made.

They say relax yourself try not to think about it. How do i relax myself when i am shut within these 4 walls?
I can't go relax myself. How do i not think about it when constantly i am being reminded of why i am here.

I need speedy days here. I need to have the mind to blank out the anxiety i feel.

I had hope for just one cycle of treatment. I was very hopeful. Am i wrong to be hopeful?
Then what should i hope for? If i hope for speedy recovery, i am told i gotta take one day at a time.
If i hope for the cancer cells to be gone, the drs still tell me i need to go for more treatment.

So what do i put my hope on? I am beginning to feel tired of being hopeful. I am tired of all the waiting.
Would God not pardon me from all these? Did i hear You wrong when You say there will be a miracle?
Or am i expecting a wrong kind of miracle?