Letters to my son - Part 4

What i loved so much, when i was dating your father, was his family. To be precise, your Nai Nai's relatives. Unpretentious, welcoming and united. Since young, i've always wondered, what is it i see in other families that i don't see in mine?

In mine, there is a fear in you to be wrong. You will be punished severely. There is no openness. There are many under currents. I've always yearned for a family of my own. That i can rebuilt with good values. Which i believe i have now.

When i was Primary 3, your Papa Val was getting married. Your Jiu Jiu and i were to be the flower girl and page boy. We shared the bed with my Su Su( Your dad's step brother). He sexually molested me during the night and i told this to your grandparents. Nothing was done. For many years in my adolescence, i would wonder what i've done wrong that would make my parents feel difficult to believe what i said. And defend me. I grew up insecure and became a child who had a golden mouth.
Till the day your grandparents got a divorce, your Yi Po asked your grandfather, why did you not do anything?
His reply was,"Both side also flesh how to help?" For me that answer shows that by hiding the truth, you help the culprit. I cried when i heard that answer. Because my father did not make the coice to protect me, his daughter.

You are a child of God. The bible gives wise tips on how a family should be run. They are wise tips because when you think about it, all these prevents family conflicts. Like how it tells that all newly married couples should move out of their family home and start their own home.

How many unnecessary quarrels happens when you live with your in-laws? It also tells of how after husband and wife becomes one, they are a new body. New family. Therefore, your wife, your children have become your immediately family members. And sadly but truly, your parents have become secondary family members. That will also solve problems of when mother in-laws insisting of how your house should be done, how you should bring up your child...And your grandfather, unable to decide which side of his flesh is closer.

Before you are married, you put your family first. After you are married, your wife and children is your new family. And you put them first. Discover for yourself the wise tips in the bible. That can save your family and marriage from problems.

Letters to my son - Part 3

There were numerous times in my life where things happenned and i have people coming up to tell me..."i knew but felt it was best to mind my own business."

When you reach a point in your life where you experience what i have just said, you would know how frustrating it is. Sometimes being a good friend is telling the truth even when it hurts. My believe is that if i see someone falling into the fire, i will do my best to pull him out.

To know someone is in danger and allow them to walk into it without even trying, its just wrong. But that is different from being open about your opinions. For that, you have to choose the right time and place. That is someting i cant teach you, and its something you gotta learn through life.

But i feel it is always better out then in. Most problems humans face is miscommunication. Sometimes when its out in the open, you realise that by saying how you feel, helps the other person understand you better. And also you realise that what you were angry about isnt that bad. Back to the topic about walking away from being a busy body. Because i came from a dysfunctional childhood, my heart goes out to children who grow up without proper guidiance.

Someone once told me, for a problem kid to get out from his self destructive life, is someone who will stick by him and pick him up. In my life, i am grateful for friends who came along the way. Learning mistakes from others. And knowing the Lord Jesus. For this, your father and i have dedicated our life to nurturing your cousin. She needs to know, though she has a lousy father, your father is like a father to her. She needs to know that our home is where she can run to when she needs help.

No one can tell me, why bother? You dont have to worry about things so far away. Worry only when the problem comes. And even when the problem comes, the probem will be solved by itself. Son, we do not put our lives into the hands of fate. We are in control of our lives and we control how we lead our lives. Do not run away from problems but face up to them. Do not sweep them under the carpet cos eventually it will resurface one day. Pastor Kong of city harvest church once said, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. And the difference between a successful person and an unsuccessful person, is someone who writes his plans down. Listen to me son, you need to plan for your life. Write it down. Dont say i will never fulfill them anyway.

In life, man cannot be stagnant. Man must change for the better. Improve. Without plans, you wont know your benchmark. How far you have come, how far behind or how much more you gotta move. To summarise, help when you can, plan for your future and speak the truth in love.

Letters to my son - Part 2

At this moment, no one can tell u how cancer comes or how u can prevent it. Your mother is at the Haematology Clinic waiting for her bone marrow to be done. Is God in control? There are many questions man cannot answer but what I can tell u is that, we are human. We have imperfect bodies. We fall sick and our bodies fail at times.

My greatest desire is for all my love ones to one day spend eternity in heaven. If I dun see anyone there, it will be my greatest sorrow. I want to see u and ur Papa there. Both of u must make it to heaven, bcos I will be there. After being cheated by the last boyfriend, I fell into another disastrous relationship, with someone 8 years younger than me. He was verbally abusive. We almost got married bcos I was pregnant. He says its better to get an abortion so he can love me more. Which I did and his love for me lasted only a while. For 2 years I drown myself with work and activities. I was quite determined that no one will want someone as ruined as I.

Until your Um Ma Ma, made an attempt to match make me with one of her classmates. Who was in my lecture group in NYP. I was reluctant at first but after our first date, that guy is now ur Papa. He may not be romantic. But he is a man u can count on. Someone once told me, A smart person learns from their mistakes, but a smarter person learns from the mistakes of others.

I want u to learn that u should never grieve the women in ur life. Ur mother, ur grandma, ur cousin, ur wife. Be a responsible man. Do not be like the men that made ur mother's life hell. Live up to the name I have chosen for u. Ralph - to be the counsel for wolves. Even the smart and cunning comes before u for advice. Len - to be like the lion of judah. A leader, majestic, family orientated. Rong Le - to bring honor and joy to those around u. For as early as 7 mths old, u have brought joy to many around u.

Mummy is proud of u and I know u will grow up to be a man respectable in the eyes of God and men.

Letters to my son - Part 1

At 1am in the night, I thought about you. Whatever that may happen, I believe I should write to you about my life. And from these letters, you might come to know your mother.

My earliest memory of feeling poor came when I was 6 years old. Your Popo, Jiu Jiu and I were at a fried chicken restaurant at City Plaza Shopping Centre. It was your grandma’s way of giving us a treat to a good meal. We were delighted. While waiting for Popo to bring back fried chicken, I saw a Malay family at the next table. They had a plate full of chicken, with chloesaw and french fries sides.

Your Popo came back with three drumsticks, one for each of us. My delight turned into disappointment. I knew we could not afford more like the other table. While eating the drumstick I had, I swallowed the urge to cry and appreciate the little I had.

I hated that feeling. Feeling poor. Feeling that there was nothing I could do, to get out of this horrible state.

I had this kinda feeling again when I was 21 years old. I came to know this Indian boyfriend in church. He was a bad man who cheated me of my money, my body and my heart. He had claimed that he owed people money from some business loans. And if he did'nt pay up on time, he will end up in jail. I borrowed from my friends to help him. I had to work in a pub while studying in NYP, to raise money for school fees and return my debts. I was so broke, i only had 10cents in my wallet just for emergency calls. I could not afford to pay for my phone bills and had no handphone. I would go to school and hide in the computer lab during break, because i had no money to eat. I hated Mac'donalds but that year, they introduced McSpicy burger and sold it for only $3. I remembered savouring every bite, cleaning up the lettuce and mayonnaise with my fingers. I recalled choking tears while eating. I was so hungry and that was the most delicious thing i've ever eaten. Which is also why till this day, McSpicy is one of the 2 Macdonalds burger i will eat. (The other is Fillet O-fish) I was having attachment at KKH and fainted while the nurses pass report. Because i have not eaten well. The nurses had bought bbq chicken and bbq pork ribs and left it in the tea room. I sneaked into the tea room, picked one of the bbq pork ribs and hid in the toilet to eat. During this period about 2 years, i experienced these feelings of poorness. Later i found out that this boyfriend was a cheat. He chalked up phone usage up to $1000 under my name. The business loan became a holiday trip sponsored by my money. And he had a string of other girlfriends behind my back. Why? Why am i in this again i thought? I took 2 more years to pay off my debts with the phone companies of $2000. Had to get your Popo to sign up for a phone line under her name. As i was blacklisted by all phone companies due to bad debts.

It was at this time, i promised myself. I should never borrow what i cannot return as soon as possible. And never lend to anyone an amount you cannot afford to lose. And even when you are poor, you must have dignity. You cannot fall into temptation and cheapen yourself when you are poor. And use the slow but steady way. Surely and truly, the way out will come in time.