Have you heard of the phrase,"Once i become a parent, i begin to understand how great my own parents are." ?

That phrase only applies to those who had parents who had direct good influence on who they are now.
Some parents are unfit parents, whose children gotta learn through life on their own. The hard way. Falling painfully and picking themselves up.

Then what comes to my mind when i become a parent? I think for someone to bring life into this world, your perspective in life changes. You want the best for your child. Not just in possessions but in character and upbringing. I want to give my child the best of my time, the best of my parenting and the best of my influences.

Then i think of the parents who think being a parent is just by the name in the birth cert, very unpardonable.

Every child is the future. Would he affect the world with his kindness or rudeness? Would he be the future president or toilet cleaner. It all depends on you.

I am very serious about a parent being responsible for the child's nurturing. And cannot comprehend those who 'let nature take its course'. Even wolves or lions nurture their young better.

In psychology, they say how u were brought up by your parents, you will also reflect the same style on your children. Psychology is not right all the time. Putting a stamp on parenting style just because psychology says so, is no different from leaving your life to fate.

I have a control over how i can change my life. If i had bad parents, i will learn how not to be like them. I will not let my children suffer like how i did.

When i worked in the hospital wards. How the parent treated their children, you can clearly see it by how the children treat them. If you see children all supportive and giving their time and expenses to their sick parent, you will find out later that this parent was a good parent. These children will tell you their parent went through alot when they were younger to bring them up.

Vice Versa...If you see children pushing the care to each other. No one seems to wanna take the responsibility of the patient. They will tell you that their parent never bothered about them when they were younger.

Of cos. You did all you can for your child, they will do whatever it takes to support you when you grow old.
But if you 'let mature take its course', so will they.

Just 2 months more, i will have a change of status and importance.

I will be mummy and a nurturer to a little life that i produced.

As if he is relieving my anxiety, baby allows me to see how he looks like.

I had a dream. He is 5 months old and he has my face, daddy's eyes and mouth. My tanned skin.

No one should think a child is a hindrance but a gift.

'Why' still punctuates my brain when i think of why your brother Noel did not get to see the world.

But they say God has a time for everything and everything in His time.

With how things falls in place nicely. Get solemnised, wedding dinner, get a house, get low key at work and then get pregnant. I believe you are in His time.

Man can build and chases dreams. But if God is not in it, you build and chase in vain.

I don't know which irritates me more. Lame stupidity or inflexible rigidity?

My life motto has always been life's gotta be more than just more fame, more status or more money.

Yes we should seek to improve ourselves. But character is more important than what you want people to see.

Sucky character fouls up your face and makes you ugly.

Just last Friday, i was shouted at by a hysterical woman and her love for her car door. Which to be clear, i did not even scrape it. It's like scarping it was like scraping her face. She went bonkers.

Even my own dad gets very defensive over every single scratch and bump on his car.

Chill man!

And ever get frustrated when you have to go through 5 steps and filling up dozen of forms to get something. And to go through 10 steps and another dozen forms just to change your request or even terminate your request?

I work in such a place. Its so uncalled for sometimes.

To get an access card for a temporary staff, i gotta put up a request, get approval from my boss, estate's boss. After getting special approval for this card, we were able to get one even though temp staff were not allowed to have one. And when the staff leaves, i had to return the card.

And guess what? I had a replacement and to get back the same access card, i need to put up another request, get approval from my boss and estate's boss. And go through the debate again about temp staff not being able to use access card.

Why can't they just put the new staff's name to the card no. that was issued earlier?

Grrr...Can you imagine my amusement when my colleague told me she had to put up a 'condemned form' for discarding a spoilt wall clock?

And for all the old wives superstitions are also very tiring to follow. Hearing it already sounds tiring.

Cannot do this and that. If you so this, this will happen. Go around this and you can be allowed to do that.

Sigh. I guess we gotta spend our time doing more worthwhile things. Like helping the needy, comforting the sad and making yourself a better person.

Protecting yourself from bad luck, cover ass by putting up 1000 forms and fighting over non living things is not cool.

What has our world become?

Simple things like sitting together and enjoying each other's company.

Smiling to a stranger

Giving up your seat to someone who needs it more

Can't find it now

Ties that can be broken

The blood ties between parent and child will never be broken. When a parent abandons a child, forever it will still remain that you are the mother who gave birth to this child. Even in death, this person is still your mother. The same goes for the ties bound between siblings. No matter how you hate them, they are still your brother or sister. It's things you cant choose. You cant choose your parents or siblings.

That's how easily, we take these relationships for granted. Because no matter how many times you shout at your parents, or break their hearts and disappoint them, they will still be there for you. No matter how many times you have cold wars with your siblings or tell yourself you wanna have nothing to do with them anymore, you cant escape the fact that, your brother is still your brother.

A friend once said, that being married is like having another family member in your life. Everyday is like a day with your parents or siblings. Not everyday is exciting and can be even boring at times. But that's family life.

Right now, i am starting to think otherwise. You did not choose your parents or siblings. Your relationship are bound by blood. Nothing can break it.

However, you choose your lifetime partner. Though you may be bound in your souls. You are not bound by blood. And for this modern society of rights and free will, marriage is bound legally by a piece of paper which can be broken.

I've learnt in marriage counselling sessions that when 2 becomes 1, they have to leave their parents and these 2 must become their own family. Parents gotta learn not to interfere with how this new family leads their new life as husband and wife. The son must now be the head of the family and cleave to his wife. And no longer run to his father or mother for help.

In principle, if every married couple were to follow this, it will solve much of the quarrels related to in-law interferences. Or when the son is caught between mother and wife.

But why is it so important to make sure that the 2 is a new family unit and no longer includes parents?

This is where i believe i've gotten my revelation.

It is more important to take steps to make your marriage work because unlike blood ties, this tie can be broken. Which is why wives get into this paranoia of their husbands leaving them for another woman. In life there are temptations. If there are times you wish you had better parents, there will also be times you wished you had a better husband. But the difference is that, when you wish for better parents, you know you don't have a choice. You are stuck with them. But when you wish you have a better husband, if you are determined enough, things can be done to have a better husband.

"...I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life...to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part..."

Neither your parents or siblings needed to say theses vows when you came into this world. Even in bible times, divorce was permitted. And evidently, the vows says it all. It's not easy to build your marriage and hold it down on a strong foundation. Making your marriage work. Work suggest effort, pain and labour.

In good times and in bad...
In farting, snoring and in burpings, i will still accept you.

I will love you and honor you all the days of my life...
I will not put you down and learn to appreciate the things you have done. Even though they are not up to my standards.

For better, for worse...
Even when there are days i just can't seem to love you, i will still try my best.

Therefore, make your marriage work. Your mother can say this, his mother can say that. Stand up for your marriage because it needs to be laid with strong foundation. It can be broken and therefore needed to be treated with care. You must understand too that it takes 2 to make it work. And it takes 2 to hold the importance of your marriage vows. Few sentences but it holds the secrets on how you can make it work ...till death do us part

What my friend said about marriage life seems so wrong now. We cannot take for granted our relationship as husband and wife, like how we take our relationships with our parents and siblings. We must make effort to daily understand, love more and build a strong marriage that will last till death.

Honor your marriage vows and make your marriage work.

Man eating Singapore

A newspaper article ones read,"That the average Singaporean couple, should start applying for a HDB flat when they are dating for 1 yr. So by the time they want to get married when they have dated 2 - 3 years, they would have a flat ready in another 2 - 3 years."

When you plan for a wedding dinner, your parents are planning on how many tables worth of profit they would wanna get from you. And who bears the remaining cost? The newly weds. Who's to prevent your first biggest quarrel of your new life as a married couple? You can't

In Singapore, its like a rat race in everything you do. Kiasu is bred not a choice we make. Even before my child in born, i would have to be in a waiting list for infant care services.

A statistics shows that an average of 70% of babies born are already born into a debt filled life. HDB loans, car loans etc.

And with all these money money money issues, we have parents or in-laws who are dying to make a quick buck out from the miserable salaries we have. Especially being newly weds, you are starting out all on your own. And with a baby on the way, the demands will not cease.

I was having lunch with some of my colleagues yesterday. Nadine was obviously bothered by something and she had lost all her mood to eat. Her mother in-law who have agreed to care for her infant daughter, has suddenly demanded for money to go for a holiday. And justifying it by saying it would be for payment taking care of Nadine's daughter.

In Singapore, to raise a child is equivalent to paying for a HBD flat or a car. So does her mother in-law think they are a money tree?

Selina added,"I have been paying my mum $650 a month to care for my son. And that does not include pampers or things my child needs."

Her husband mentions one day,"You know when you send a child to infant care, it cost about $1300 and once the child goes child care, the fees drop by half. But how come there is no drop of fees for your mum, but it seems to be getting higher and higher?"

I reflected on what i would do if one day i offered to care for my grandchild. Apart from the allowance that my children would give me for my daily expenses, i would not be expecting a salary for caring for my grandchild. Needless to say, the child's expenses should be covered by the child's parents.

So why should parents demand for a fee when they have agreed to care for their own grandchild? And the fee they charge will only get higher as the year goes. No government subsidy, no usage of baby bonus.

In the end, is it a advantage or disadvantage?

That's why i am glad i've made my choice to send my child to an infant care. Where i get rebates and subsidy. And never having to face problems of what my colleagues are facing.

In a man eat man Singapore, its sad that the man eating culprits are our own parents. They know what its like to start a family. You need money. You need to stabilise your expenses. New house, new baby and new responsibilities. And you don't want be the type of couple that quarrels about money. Especially when the money problem comes from your own parents.

With that, why then will these parents wanna contribute to your burdens when they went through it themselves?

A reflection: When it's my turn to be a mother in-law or grandma, remember the heart aches i suffered and never do it back to my child. That's how you age gracefully and your child will feel that its a joy to care for elderly parents. And not an annoying elderly who is out to take more money from them.

Be just like your daddy

Besides the insomnia that keeps me awake, i guess being a mother to a child makes you rethink your whole life.

These nights i lie in bed thinking about the difficult parts of my life. Especially mistakes.

I think about the career paths i have chosen and where i have moved to currently. There were many 'what ifs' fleeting through my head.

Then there's relationships i wished i never stepped into. Why did i do it? Although the suffering and pain does not affect me now, it would be better if i did not go through them.

Curious, i got out of bed to check out how they are doing now. Maybe Facebook account photos? How did they look now? Are they married like me? Are they happy or still ruining someone else's life?

I managed to find a couple of photos and was thinking..."Did i really fall in love with this guy?" Truthfully, i would not even consider him if i were to see what he looks like now.

I thought of how i was treated by all these men. And then i thought about the husband i have who tries to cook dinner for me. Even when i complain his food is tasteless.

And the same husband who holds out a hand for me when i search for the bed in the dark.

Suddenly, a gush a love floods into my heart for this man. Thankful is the word i can use to describe how i felt at this moment.

I remembered laughing at how he was over confident of himself few days ago.

We were talking about my father who sets a bad example for our unborn son. And how i hoped our son will not adopt the bad habits my father has.

He replied," Don't worry, i'll make sure our son will turn out like me."

And now, thinking of how these men who had made my life miserable. And wishing my son will never be like anyone of them.

I agree too. I tell the son in my tummy,"Please be like your daddy when you grow up. Treat women with respect and do not treat women like how those bad men hurt mummy. Be a man that loves God and be just like your daddy."

I turned to kiss the snoring man on the bed and found myself blissfully sleepy.